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Fathers' Issues
E-DivorceTalk - Divorce Discussion Forums : Fathers' Issues

Topic: Custody issues

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ctmomof2
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Posted: 22 May 2007 at 10:22pm \| IP Logged

I have a question on custody. A friend of mine is going through a divorce and he would like to get joint custody. He is going Pro Se in court so he does not have a lawyer. His ex has a lawyer, and they have tried to have him sign an agreement, but he has not done so because she wants sole custody. They are trying to make him think he won't be able to get joint because she is the mother and will automaticly get sole custody. So my question is: He is very active with the children.....he picks them up from school everyday, stays with them until their mom gets out of work. Takes them to dr.'s appointments and has even taken days off from work when they were sick. In CT, is it possible get Joint custody on those factors? Or is this a sure win for their mom on sole custody? Any adivce would be must appreciated. Thank you

DesireeJane
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Posted: 23 May 2007 at 12:22am \| IP Logged

here is some info it is not hard to find laws for your state online. I dont know anything about Connecticut but I do know that know matter where you are judges are all about the best interest of the child. if he refuses to give up custody he is entitled to a trial to determine if joint custody is best. she will have to proove that he is not fit to share the child.. if he knows in his heart he is a good father and will continue being so then dont give up. fight. I won every court case for custody, visitation, & my divorce with information i read online about the laws. I educated myself and did it without a lawyer. I dont recomend not having a lawyer but if he cant afford it and doesnt qualify for a public defender tell him to get reading and schooled. Good luck

Connecticut

Sec. 46b-56a. Joint custody. Definition. Presumption. Conciliation. (a) For the purposes of this section, "joint custody" means an order awarding legal custody of the minor child to both parents, providing for joint decision-making by the parents and providing that physical custody shall be shared by the parents in such a way as to assure the child of continuing contact with both parents. The court may award joint legal custody without awarding joint physical custody where the parents have agreed to merely joint legal custody.

(b) There shall be a presumption, affecting the burden of proof, that joint custody is in the best interests of a minor child where the parents have agreed to an award of joint custody or so agree in open court at a hearing for the purpose of determining the custody of the minor child or children of the marriage. If the court declines to enter an order awarding joint custody pursuant to this subsection, the court shall state in its decision the reasons for denial of an award of joint custody.

(c) If only one parent seeks an order of joint custody upon a motion duly made, the court may order both parties to submit to conciliation at their own expense with the costs of such conciliation to be borne by the parties as the court directs according to each party's ability to pay

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DesireeJane

ctmomof2
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Posted: 23 May 2007 at 6:35am \| IP Logged

Thank you so much for the info. Both of us have been doing alot of research the past few weeks. With all that I have read, I feel that he will have no problem getting joint custody. I read that not only do they look at the best intrest of the child, but also how active the other parent is in the child's life.

Thank you again for the info!

DesireeJane
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Posted: 29 May 2007 at 3:40pm \| IP Logged

please let me know how it goes, another thing that judges LOVE to see is a very thourough log. every visit, phone call, times and dates. I started logging specifically for no call no shows on visitation right after my ex filed for more visitation and the judge yelled at him after reading my log. he dismissed his petition with prejudice and told him never to file against me again. When you all walk into that court room have all your paperwork in order and in dated sequence. be completely prepred with copies of everything if asked. Judges love it. my judge was so impressed that i had every date and an answer for every question on paper to show him, he asked me if i had a legal background, i told him no, I am a mother who loves her kids. I walked out with sole custody....good luck to you both.

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DesireeJane

ctmomof2
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Posted: 09 June 2007 at 10:31am \| IP Logged

Well court went well last week. Everything is final, waiting on the papers to be sent that will be signed by the judge. But after much condsideration, he signed the agreement letting her have Sole Custody. He will still see the kids everyday when he picks them up from school and on the weekends. In a way I think it is better, as he only has to worry about child support. Although she is still going to try to get 1/2 of Day care out of him too. I told him that she is suppose to take that out of the child support. And there was nothing in the agreement about day care either. So in the long run it's actually cheaper for him if she has sole custody. Not that he won't give his kids everything they need, but asking for 1/2 of everything is just a bit selfish on her part. All her expenses for the kids are suppose to be taken out of the child support as that is what it is for. If Joint had been awarded it would have been much different.

Thank you so much for all your support on this one! I'm just happy that the divorce is finally over, one less thing we have to worry about!

DesireeJane
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Posted: 11 June 2007 at 12:18pm \| IP Logged

I am happy to hear from you. sorry to hear she got sole custody. but if he is comfortable with the decision that is good. I dont know about your state but I can tell you that when I was awarded child support I requested daycare and other expenses for the children and i got it. Child support is exactly that, support, all the extras, are not to be taken out of the support, she can file for school clothes, karate lessons, day care etc..... I have a grant through the state for daycare, NY pays my daycare worker, I have a parent fee, its like a copay, my ex has to pay half of it to me after i pay it in full to the provider, He has to pay 75% of unreimbursed medical. she is entitled to reimbursment for any extra curricular,. she can petition the court for it to be added into the court order. I know it sucks when your on the paying end. my boyfreind pays about $800 a month for all the support and extras, so i know what its like to be on both ends of the court order. good luck, to both of you

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